laugh break
Oct 24, 2006 1:56 PM | | ;
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A woman meets a man in a bar, they talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large a collection of Teddy Bears, but doesn`t mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father my children?"
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips.
He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other`s clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, and more heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?"
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf.
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Good one
Oct 24, 2006 6:35 PM | | ; |
I picture Steve Martin from "The Jerk"
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Dokey-00
Oct 26, 2006 8:36 PM | | ; |
That was too funny, awesome!!!
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Another One
Oct 27, 2006 10:34 AM | | ; |
If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there`s no hope for you. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook Off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili Taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge`s table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn`t be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
************************************************** *** CHILI # 1 - MIKE`S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 - Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. !
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that`s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
************************************************** ***
CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN`S AFTERBURNER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge #2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I`m not sure what I`m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
************************************************** ***
CHILI # 3 - FRED`S BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I`ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I`m getting drunk from all of the beer.
************************************************** ***
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA`S BLACK MAGIC...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods not much of a chili. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman
is starting to look HOT. just like this nuclear waste I`m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
************************************************** ***
CHILI # 5 LISA`S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I`m burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
************************************************** ***
CHILI # 6 - VERA`S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I pooped on myself when I farted and I`m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can`t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my rear-end with a snow cone.
************************************************** ***
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN`S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn`t feel a thing. I`ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they`ll know what killed me. I`ve decided to stop breathing it`s too painful. I`m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I`ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
************************************************** ***
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM`S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he`s going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he`d have reacted to really hot chili? Judge # 3 - No Report............
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stupid
Oct 27, 2006 8:03 PM | | ; |
I would have rather shot myself in the face than to have wasted my time reading that BS!
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to stupid
Oct 27, 2006 8:30 PM | | ; |
Do you need a bullet ??? This is what a message board is for.To share messages /jokes/etc. I don`t think you were forced to read it,hence calling yourself STUPID !!!!
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