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Well in my expert opinion, it only took two weeks for the cream to rise to the top in the 3 VA divisions. From what I see Rhinos, Dietz, Wolves are not only set to make the playoffs, but that may even be 3 of your final four when this Shriners Parade rounds out in late June. I’m not gonna dare call that MD division yet, but you can bet I’ll be in a luxury box taking in a season full of great games up there at Riverside. Sharks, D-Mob and Badboyz might as well be the SEC Conference, and the rest of you clowns are angling to see who’s gonna beat Oregon State or Indiana this week. Seriously, you’re only hope is that Sharks, DM and BadBoyz with that crazy ‘Z’ in their name tire each other out before they get to you! Well keep on hoping… it’s only flag! Sure there’s a couple of notable mentions in the pack, there’s always Lazy (everyday but) Sundae, Pain, Rhino Army, one trick pony Dis Nut, and the Wolves in Lions clothing but do any of you really think they can take it them boys in MD? ARG doesn’t… and just so you know, ARG ain’t playing the homer role either. I hate Maryland with a passion. I can’t even get over the fact I have to drive through that dog$hit state just to get to a better state further north! I don’t know why they couldn’t have put Maryland between two states like North Dakota and Montana – pile all that crap up in one area of America and give it to Canada as far as I’m concerned! Enough said. Let’s get down to this weeks breakdown of the more interesting games. Peasants, if your game ain’t on this list…. well, read between the lines. Screw it, I’ll just go ahead and spell it out for you – that’s probably why you’re a peasant anyway: Your game is BORING!! And if you don’t spice it up, I’m gonna petition Tom to put you back in C with the rest of the WNBA’ers – and tell Sheri-baby to quit posting your dog$hit lines. PKL Warriors (-4) vs. Outlaws PKL Warriors changed their name, but you can’t fool me… I still know that everybody beats Off in the Shower, but I think they are getting better. I think maybe the better name for these guys would have been “Off Occasionally on Sundays” {Think about it..} Still, the Outlaws are a B+ team and looking to make some strides. Sheri-baby’s got the number way to wide in this one at four and I’m betting on a close one. Take the Outlaws getting 4. Rhinos (-7.5) vs. Pain This week pits the two best teams in the Central (Hook) division against each one another. Since losing the title of deepest roster to The Truth, the Rhinos have tried doing more with less. Problem is, that’s gets tough when less is also old. Pain has gotten the best of these aging Rhinos in the last two, and it’s always close when these two square off. Pain is still smarting from blowing the opener to Truth and they know dropping two this early may be a fast route to a B playoff seed. The winner of this one, will be the one with the least mistakes…. Trying to figure out who that is when these two klutzes get together is a crap shoot – I don’t know who wins this close one either, but the Rhinos got a kicker and maybe he’ll be the difference. Take pain getting seven and the hook. The Penetrators (-4.5) vs. Hokies ARG’s newest ‘en vogue’ team may be the Hokies. Sort of like everyone thinks Seattle is a good team at the beginning of the season, and come the end of the season we’re all wondering when Holmgren will retire. But the Hokies got so many young fast guys that they are fun to watch and the QB is exciting if you like those old Fran Tarkenton highlights, where he scrambles for 20 minutes then throws a hail mary to a guy so open that he looked like he may have walked out of the stands to catch one. But before I get completely stiff and swept up into a “bro-mance”, I see that the Hokies did drop an early one to PKL. (Remember, everyone beats off occasionally on Sundays. Now do you get it, Peasant?) But the good news for the Hokies is that the Penetrators have barely penetrated B-level competition. Hokies are better than that. Take the Hokies getting 4.5. The Truth (+6) vs. Wolf Pack I touched on this one earlier in the week and may have been a bit hard on The Truth… actually, no I wasn’t. The Truth STILL hurts and it won’t get any better. Take the Pack giving six. Easy. Midgets (+21.5) vs.Dietze Nuts Hey, did you guys know that the Midgets aren’t really Midgets at all?? No, they’re a bunch of normal sized guys that have a crappy flag football team and are incredibly insensitive to the plights of little people. And if you think that name is offensive, check out who they’re playing this week. I still ponder on why they just didn’t spell it “Deez”. Isn’t that’s more phonetically correct? (‘phonetically’ – that’s right Professor Spelling, you still out there?) Where was I?? Oh yeah, I could care less about this game, I just had some jokes I had to get rid of. Sheri-baby might have it right at 21.5, but one careless mistake at 28-0 on the part of Dis Nut and it could go 28-7 and blow your spread. Do like I do, and just ignore this game. Wolves (-15) vs. Mutiple Scorgasms This one almost fell into the category below.. but I had to give a little credit to the name Multiple Scorgasms! Not bad fellas, but I can see that name turning on you when things don’t go your way. Take for example, the Wolves. I dated that chic before, and she is so frigid that when you open her legs, a light comes on! Trying to get her hot in one thing, but multiple scorgasms?!?!? Won’t happen on that brod, she can get pretty nasty and defensive. Wolves pull off the number and then some. And tune in to the “Who gives a $hit” channel for these other fine programs: United vs. Chuck Norris (please, CN. Really? Can you impeach a team?) Team Franchise vs. Pain (pass the Red Bull, I’m dozing off) Gators vs. Outcast II (forget the Red Bull, and just get some coke) Goldrush/Lazy Sundae (Easy – Lazy. Goldrush has put a franchise tag on sucking!) Banditos/Nighthawks (barely know… barely care!) Trick 1 vs. Sharks and Sharks vs. Vegas Nights (looks like 2 W’s for the Sharks on Sunday) Mutiny vs. Collision (I’m already asleep) So here’s the exclusive members only, players club, gold card, platinum-plus, privileged information, insiders edge, 5-star, master lock of the week: The Penetrators (-4.5) vs. Hokies Alright, so call it a bromance but I think these Hokies win outright on Sunday. Penetrators don’t have a lot of quality wins under their belt, including dropping the last two to the Hokie-fa-dokies. And now their the favorite?!!? Sheri-baby, what info do you have that I don’t? Because I know I’ve been gone a while, but I don’t think I caught stupid… we’ll see. Hokies win outright, the 4.5 is just a gift (or overtime FG protection!) ~ARG ------------ To unsubscribe to Anal Retentive Gambler’s Weekly Newsletter, click the "Unsubscribe" link below: