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Does anyone work harder than Sheri-baby? When was that post my man? After midnight on a Thursday night? You keep up the good work, but in the meantime you really need to get out one night with me and boys. Come on down to Pure and we’ll do it up. Besides, it will be a good chance for you to get that money you owe me. So to recap, your picks are: Playmakers (+13) Wolves Daddies (+8) Diesel AM&M (+17.5) DM Outlaws (+11) Dietze Vegas (+9) Sharks Lazy (+7.5) Badboyz Outlaws (+11) Dietze Larrys (-2) Outcast And ARG’s cut from last night: 1. Wolves v. 16. Playmakers (-13) 2. Diesel v. 15. Mac D`s (-7) 3. DM v. 14. All makes (-18) 4. Dietze v. 13. Outlaws (-10) 5. Sharks v. 12. Vegas (-8.5) 6. Lazy v. 11. Badboys (+3) Sheri-baby, it would appear that great minds think alike. I botched the matchups on Rhinos-Coyotes and Larrys-Outcast (note to self – fire Bundy), but aside from that we seem to be within a half-point of each other on all the games. Except Lazy-Badboyz, you seem to think that Lazy is 3.5 pts worse against them BadBoyz than I do. Let’s break down that one first. Lazy (+7.5) Badboyz – Lazy comes in the top seed in this one, but from this season you wouldn’t know it. For a team that usually looks down on the rest of the division, they have been looking up all year. And now there are rumors of dissention swirling around this team. The BadBoyz find themselves in a similar situation. But frankly, the worst team in the MD division is still deadly, so I put as much stock in the BB’s record as I do in Jim Zorn’s coaching abilities. BB’s losses came to very respectable foes in Sharks and D Mob, the loss to Playmakers I’m chalking up to opening day jitters. Plain and simple if Lazy can’t handle Diesel, they can’t handle the BadBoyz, I’m upping my spread and figure the BadBoyz to cover Sheri-baby’s spread and more. BadBoyz 20 – Lazy 7. Playmakers (+13) Wolves – Wolves may have the premier O & D line combos in all the IFFL. That combination alone is consistently good for an average 20 point differential in most of their games. Factor in Playmakers ability to (what else) make plays and both Sheri-baby and I shorten the line down to 13. No play here peasants unless you got a real addiction. Wolves 20 – Playmakers 7. Daddies (+8) Diesel – I know Diesel has gotta be wondering why is ARG always giving us bad press. Not at all fellas, if you want bad press see my comments regarding Fireman. For you boys there is respect. From former C leaguers yourselves (that once tied Chuck Norris 0-0?!?!) you’re now the pride of the East division. And for that – a well deserved kudos. But be careful what you’re proud of. That East division is Poo Poos on Parade after you and Lazy! I mean seriously… I of the Liger (and what’s with the name fellas??) hasn’t even scored a point all year!! (Side note: Liger, instead of mixing Rocky and Napoleon Dynamite, try mixing passing, catching and scoring!) In a scheduling twist, Diesel didn’t draw the Mac Daddies for division play this year. Mac Daddies are known for getting to the A playoffs, but they’re also known for going out early. Diesel gets one last dance at this party and takes it 13 – 6. All Makes & Models (+17.5) D-Mob – Do I need to analyze this one. D-Mob couldn’t care less about winning the division. This team has nationals on their mind. And All Makes has barely come within a touchdown of any of the more competitive teams in the IFFL this year. AM&M advertises all makes and models, but I’ve yet to see a corvette or an F-350 on the lot. You’d be better off hitting a used car dealer off Route 1 than to buy from these guys. D-Mob lets loose on All Makes in June fashion.. D-Mob 28 – AM&M 0. Outlaws (+11) Dietze & Larrys (-2) Outcast – ARG’s grouping these two together because Outcast, Outlaws, Outhouse, its all the same to me --- OUT of the playoffs. If you bet on anything “out” , rest assured you’ll be OUT of money real quick. Outlaws lost to everyone respectable in their division then beat up on the rest of the pasties to round out to a nice record of 4-3. Dietze dropped them in the opener 28-7. And I don’t see any reason why that score won’t repeat. I doubt the Outlaws have honed their skills playing against the likes of Buddy Lee, Goldrush, $hit time 20, etc… In fact, this one may get worse. Dietze 31 – Outlaws 0. According to Sheri-baby, Larrys find themselves a slight favorite over Outcast. I think this line is about right as Larry’s get a squeaker 14-13, and Outcast will ultimately get a new kicker after he botches that PAT. Rhinos (+4.5) Coyotes – Rhinos recaptured a bit of past defensive glory last night by pitching a shutout against Los Banditos. But I think we all knew that would happen. Rhinos miss the playoffs about has often as my boy Bundy misses wing night down at the ‘Jiggly Room’. But alas, it is our friends, the Rhinos, who brought us the only #1 vs. #16 upset in the post season… Oh… and they weren’t the #16 seed! The Rhino Army has talent to spare… and for the first round I’m thinking they’re good for something here. Couple that depth with the hot weather expected on Sunday, and I expect the Coyote to go extinct in these playoffs before the Rhino. Besides, ARG thinks the ‘yotes give up a few too many points for me to buy into that 6-1 record. At 93 on the season, only the Playmakers have given up more this season going into the playoffs. Conversely, the Rhinos come in with the 4th best defense in points against this year. Have you peasants figured it out yet? Sheri-baby misses on this one. Rhinos 17 – Coyotes 7. Vegas (+9) Sharks – Sharks took Vegas nights earlier in the year 26-21, and now Sheri-baby’s got ‘em at 9. Those MD teams have been giving the Sharks more fits that they’re used to. But I think there were some fortuitous (thank you Prof. Spelling) bounces in that first match up – clearly one of the better nights in Vegas if you know what I mean. But this Sunday will be like the Vegas night when my man Biggie was shot. Lots of blood, lots of witnesses… but in the end, no one will know what happened, someone will be dead, and Sharks will have a record deal with Shug Knight. Who knows.. maybe even record a remake of the Bears 1985 classic “Superbowl Shuffle”. Man that Jimmy McMahon could rap! Sharks 28 – Vegas Nights 13. So where’s the play gentlemen? Oh, aside from the Celts in six, that it’s not too late to get in on, yeah the IFFL playoffs. Well I think the strong ones are the Wolves, Bad Boyz, Dietz or Rhinos… but I know you peasants purchase the newsletter for one thing and one thing only….. The exclusive members only, players club, gold card, platinum-plus, privileged information, insiders edge, 5-star, master lock of the week is Dietz Nutz. I think you have an A team on the rise (or probably already risen, no?) against a perennial B team. No bigger mismatch on the board in my opinion and the spread is understated. You’ll be covering by half-time on this one. The alternate pick: I was bashing them last week, but loving them this week. Stick a horn on my nose and call me a Rhino. I like them to win outright, and you’re gonna give me +4.5?!?! I got a feeling I will be able to top off the tanks on the Trinity come Monday and head for the Caymans!! See ya peasants. ------------ To unsubscribe to Anal Retentive Gambler’s Weekly Newsletter, click the "Unsubscribe" link below: