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First I’d like to thank God. And by God, I mean Sheri-baby. Only a Mexican the week before Cinqo de Mayo works harder than you Sheri-baby. Keep it up! (Please forgive me Latin community, oh… and you too, God. Now please get back to that Celts in 6 action!!). Sheri-baby tirelessly promotes his lines week in and week out, and I know he doesn’t own a Big Blue to run those quantitative algorithms! Sheri-baby can`t even afford a Commodore 64 - so give it up!! So what the hell is goin` on in the IFFL? I finally get the Trinity into port and all I hear is Wolves and Otis. So I ask around for Otis, and the only one I find is some drunk in Mayberry. Then my spies tell me it`s Off in the Shower (oIts). First I chuckle, as always. Then I mutter the ole adage.. "Everybody beats... yeah, yeah.. Obviously I`m immature. Only 15 minutes later, I say Shower?!?! Don’t they suck? But the spies tell me they won a few and for a former WNBA team (that’s C league for the new peasants), they ain’t doing too bad. So I get on the horn with Professor Spelling, I mention Off in the Shower. Of course I hit him with the `Everyone` line and he’s not amused. (He IS a professor after all.) Prof tells me that Showers got a scrambler for QB, but he’s surrounded by amputees. (That’s right peasants - no hands!!!) So I ask why all the hubba-boo then. Prof tells me he doesn’t know. Doesn’t know?!? I thought you were a professor? So I hit Colon-*****, Wilbon, even worthless a$$ Locs92 (which actually, felt a lot like I was back in Mayberry with Otis).. and no one knows why all the drama. They are all ready to file this one in the “Who gives a $hit” file. So that’s right where I’m filing it. Sheri-baby’s got the Wolves at -28. That’s too rich for my blood when there ain’t a whole lot on the line for these lions in Wolf’s clothing. Seems to me the real chatter should be around that Dietze – Outcast matchup. So Outcast is the underdog here?!? Hmmm, undefeated .. and an underdog. Sheri-baby, maybe you better think about getting that Commodore 64. Outcast seems to have the Dietze number on speed dial lately and if they’re getting 4, I like that even better. But that’s just my auxiliary pick. Now on to the game that no one is gonna talk about, but all of you can make money from. What is it? What’s it called? What’s the name? Did he say, yes I think he did. It’s the exclusive members only, players club, gold card, platinum-plus, privileged information, insiders edge, 5-star, master lock of the week!! DING!! DING!! DING!!!! I don’t know if you peasants know about the Army. You might call it a Rhino Army, but I call it an Army of One Hundred. Every Sunday morning, about 40 old farts show up at 7 a.m. and sit on the side of the road next to Hook. I swear in that orange they look like some chain gang or highway construction crew. I love pickin on this crew, but sadly I think Father Time has finally cast his long shadow of extinction over these endangered species. This team has had more trouble scoring lately than Heath Ledger in heaven. It’s that bad. And it`s way too late for the Save the Rhino Foundation, Greenpeace or FONZ to save them. And it’s about to get worse. Now this weekend they have a double header and their favored by 10 points or more per game. Are you kidding me?!? 20 points in one day!? Wilt Chamberlain could score 20 in his sleep (points or posse – thank you Lone Ranger jokeman!), but the Rhinos scoring??? They only have 66 all year!?! So what about their defense…. You can’t win games zero to zero. Take Pain at +10.5… if you think I’m wrong, check what Pain did to the Whinos last year. Free money for sure. It’s like playing a lotto ticket where you’re allowed to write in your numbers on Thursday morning! Who’s not gonna like that. Only reason I waited until Saturday night to tell you peasants is because I didn’t want you running down my spread. Now have at it…… ------------ To unsubscribe to Anal Retentive Gambler’s Weekly Newsletter, click the "Unsubscribe" link below: