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Alright peasants a lot of you out there have been asking, “How can I put the ARG’s genius to work for me?” or “Why won’t ARG share some of that IFFL brilliance with college and NFL picks?” Some of you have even asked, “Why am I paying for the ARG’s weekly newsletter, when I can’t make any REAL money on this stupid IFFL?” Well my fellow gamblers, allow me to enable! Sure, Sheri-baby’s IFFL lines are fun, but we all wanna stuff some real green in our pockets – and none of you morons can do that without the help of the king. King? Or should I say Caesar! Teaser Caesar that is!! You see ARG has a bit of a panache for the teaser. Locs & U-22, allow me to explain: A teaser is a type of gambling bet that allows the bettor to combine his bets on two or more different games. The bettor can adjust the point spreads for the two games, but realizes a lower return on the bets in the event of a win. For example: if New England is –10 against Atlanta and in another contest Dallas is –3 over Washington. I you feel strongly that NE and Dallas will both win, you tease each spread down and take the favorites. If you are betting with a 7 pt. tease (they come in a variety of point options, but ARG loves the 7!), then New England would be –3, and Dallas would actually be +4 (an underdog). Did I lose some of you? Probably… I’m quite sure of it. So here’s where most of you cubicle-jockeys say, “But that’s way too easy. NE winning by 4 and Dallas covering the 4 over the Skins. What’s the catch?” Well, if you read closely earlier you’d note that teasers don’t pay even money. Generally the payout for the teaser is based upon the points you teased. In our case the 7 pts would pay 10/13. Or you wager $130, but only win $100. I prefer to think of it as almost a 77% percent return on your money, since you can hardly call this easy pick “gambling.” Oh yeah, one more catch nimrod… obviously both picks have to hit. If any team on the teaser loses, you lose the entire bet. That peasants, is what we in the biz call a two-team teaser. You even have the option to bet 3-, 4-team “super teasers”…. But you’re starting to get into a bit of fools gold there. So let’s get down to it……ARG is hitting NFL week 2 with a little College-NFL cross-pollenization action. And I’m starting off by stickin it right to Craptown, USA. For those of you that don’t know, that’s Washington D.C… and you Baltimorons, I wouldn’t laugh… you’re a close second. (“City that reads”.. gimme a break!) Part I: Thursday night, we got our local favorite Twerps hosting the consensus #4 West Virginia. Right now, my oddsmaker of choice (BoDog – note that their spreads always favor the favorite, but BoDog is the best at paying out – take my advice!) has the Mountain-queers going off at –17. I can’t think of a thing that Maryland has going for it other than Fridge may have lost a pound or two this week. Non-impressive wins against Villanova and Florida International (can you imagine – “International?!?!”) ain’t gonna get it done against what may be the fastest team in CFL today. WVU has averaged 55 pts a game against two teams probably close in caliber to MD. Let say they only score 32 pts.. can MD still get more than 3 TD’s against that West Virginia defense. ARG doesn’t think so, WVU covers the number straight up, but since you get 7 pts… put it at –10 and enjoy some Thursday night football on me! Part II: Gotta wait a few days for the back end of this teaser, but trust me when I say it’s worth it. There’s nothing better than telling your friends that you already got half a teaser in the bank and you’re betting the same game they are – only 7 pts better!! (That is, if any of you peasants have friends!) Here it is… Poor Washington is a 7 pt dog on the road Monday night in Philly. Washington impressed me a little with the rush yards they put on Miami last week.. put I think I’ll chalk that up to home openers or just plain Miami sucks (Jason Taylor can’t play everywhere). Throw in the fact that you get 170 some yards in rushing, and come away with 16 pts in a squeeker to one of the league’s worst, and I’m not impressed. Philly on the other hand would have won hands down had they practiced punt returns in the offseason. I look for fat Andy to correct that and take their home opener to keep pace with Dallas in the NFC East. Our tease takes this one down to a pick, and what’s better than the home team on a Monday night – go look up that stat! So this week your exclusive members only, players club, gold card, platinum-plus, privileged information, insiders edge, 5-star, master lock of the week is: 2-Team Teaser: West Virginia (–10) and Philadelphia (pick) ------------ To unsubscribe to Anal Retentive Gambler’s Weekly Newsletter, click the "Unsubscribe" link below: