Anal Retentive Gambler
Jun 15, 2007
11:26 AM | | ;
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Greetings my peasants! ARG is back to give you my season finale of the Anal Retentive Gambler’s Weekly Newsletter. It will be decided this weekend peasants. I, for one, couldn`t be more excited. This weeks matchups offer the most diverse set of teams in years for the Final Four. For my season finale, I pick…
(fade to black)
(roll credits)
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Junkie
Jun 15, 2007
11:51 AM | | | ; |
Alright, alright, I will pay the dam $39.95 for a weeks worth of picks.
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Anal Retentive Gambler
Jun 15, 2007
12:28 PM | | | ; |
C’mon peasants… did you really think the ARG would take the David Chase – Sopranos exit?? The ARG doesn’t bail on anything… I’d say I always go down swinging, but that’s just not true. I’m always the one left standing at the end.
So where did we leave off last week… I’ll get you caught up to speed quickly by saying I predicted everything that would happen in the 4 games to the letter. It was almost like I put the ESP in ESPN. Any crap, what did Sheri-baby give me to play with this week?
Outlaws (+7.5) BadBoyz
Unlike Colon-whore, I’ll cite credit where credit is due. Another poster said the Unruly Boyz of MD have trounced opponents by 2 tiddies a game over the last two – so there should be no trouble this week. Equally disturbing is that the Outlaws gave up 6 pts in their victory over Mutiny last week. If that doesn’t bother you, then see my comment last week about Mutiny and a whore house. The BadBoyz offense against the Outlaws defense kinda reminds me of a physics class where I learned about an unstoppable force meeting a very movable object. But don’t trust that.. I got a ‘D’ in physics. And don’t trust in the Outlaws QB to help you out on this one either. Last I checked, the Rhinos and Lazy each had a good QB too.. and it didn’t help against them Boyz. Even if the rumors are true, and the BadBoyz QB is banged up, or even out, look for the BadBoyz to roll this one and cover the number. With the QB, 29-7, without 16-7.
Wolves (PK) NOVAs
What an interesting game… truth be told, I’m not too sure of the history between these two. I think the Nova’s have the edge over the Lions in Wolves clothing… but then again if you want history, go to Colon-whore. If you wanna know the future, stick with the ARG. Here’s the crux – Nova’s will play ball control in this one and keep that deceptive Wolves offense off the field. Nova’s will have the experience and talent to make the Wolves pay for that aggressive, man, sometimes no safety defense. I like what the Wolves have done this season, but I think here is where it ends. NOVAs 17, Wolves 7.
A Championship Game
BadBoyz (+4) NOVAs
So that brings us here… BadBoyz v. Novas in the IFFL spring championship game. (Should I fade to black again?) NO! Let’s get what we all want – closure. You know the Nova’s are gonna ride that ball control and time of possession horse until they have to put it down, Barbaro-style. It works, and why change it? The BadBoyz QB question looms pretty heavy though.. throw in the fact that they are playing a road game in a championship setting is probably why they are the dog. ARG won’t give his patented exclusive members only, players club, gold card, platinum-plus, privileged information, insiders edge, 5-star, master lock seal of approval on this one, on account of the QB question. I think a healthy BadBoyz QB in this one is the difference maker. Since Tom and the IFFL won’t print an injury wire (lazy bums!), I’d suggest you bet the way of the BadBoyz QB in this one if you have better information than I do. (WHOA! I can’t believe I just said that!!)
But since I can’t leave you floating in the breeze Sopranos style with a wishy-washy, on the fence finale, I’m gonna go out on a limb and stake my reputation on a feeling rather than the cold hard facts you have become accustomed to the ARG Weekly Newsletter.
So here’s how this one plays.. Nova’s will work the clock and frustrate the BadBoyz to a small lead in the first. BadBoyz will hit their big plays in the second to make this one close, or more likely, send it to overtime. Once in overtime, you’re probably a lock with the BadBoyz at +4, but I still like the Novas to pull this win out for the Old Dominion in a squeeker. NOVAs 21, BadBoyz 20.
So there you have it peasants… hope you enjoyed my inaugural foray into IFFL betting. I’d like to thank all my fans (both of you, ha ha!), and my fellow posters.. particularly Professor Spelling, who didn’t DING me all year, U-22 for providing me the opposite picks I needed early in the season, and a host of others, Rhino92Locs, nameless vets, da Swami, Collinsworth, the class acts like Sef, the funny guys like Scarry Larry, and the man, if not for him, none of this would even be possible – Sheridan (but you still owe me 7 large, 10 after the weekend!). I guess I should also thank Tom, et al. for providing me with this outlet both on and off the field.
And finally, congrats to all the teams in the final four.. I like ‘em all.. even the Maryland one! Good luck this weekend. Go Novas, and hope the rest of you prove me wrong.
For you C leaguers.. no love lost. I pick on you like an older brother picks on a younger sibling. I hope to one day see you all in A. But for pete’s sake, can’t you find a hipper place to hang out besides Fridays??? Let’s meet at Pure this weekend and I’ll introduce you to some of the *****cat Dolls and buy you a few mojitos. I’ve already talked to Clooney, he said he was coming, so you know the place will be bursting at the seams with tail.
Remember, off-season discounts are now available for this Fall’s Anal Retentive Gambler’s Weekly Newsletter. Subscribers who join now will receive special bonus coverage of this year’s Stars and Stripes Bowl and Bark Bowl.
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Bob & Doug
Jun 15, 2007
12:35 PM | | | ; |
so NOVAs win with a rouge in OT?
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Anal Retentive Gambler
Jun 15, 2007
12:39 PM | | | ; |
A rougue... is that make-up? Are you implying something?
Translator, help me out!!
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Bob & Doug
Jun 15, 2007
12:44 PM | | | ; |
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Single_%28football%29
Its a one point play in Canadian football, award to the kicking team on a touchback, eh.
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Scarry Larry
Jun 15, 2007
1:22 PM | | | ; |
Arg,
Another great column. I cannot give you any insider information on our QB situation. All that I can say is that we have a game Friday and Saturday to tune up and test out both of our QB options. I am sure by Sunday, the best QB in the final four will be on the field with us, weather its out #1 or our #1A I cannot confirm. What I can tell you is that if you do your research...I am sure you can can find some credible source to validate our #1A QB. The smart bet is to get your money in early on Badboyz while we are still getting points....I dont want any information to sway the line to PK em.
I would also like to buy some ad space in your weekly newsletter to both promote my motivational speaking seminar and weight loss pill.
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Sheridanregistered
Jun 15, 2007
2:19 PM | | | ; |
ARG-
Have you at 8-2 for +5,800
Your run this spring has reminded me of what a close friend of mine once told me, "Cause the house always wins. Play long enough, you never change the stakes. The house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet and you bet big, then you take the house".
I hope Mr. Ocean`s advice will not deter you from remaining one of my clients. I am upgrading you to the Silver Star Package, witch allows you access to my most current lines 24 hrs a day as well as many other great benefits. I look forward to this fall and hope to see you continue your run. Best of luck this weekend!
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Props
Jun 15, 2007
6:42 PM | | | ; |
Hey ARG---
You da MAN!!! I not only put a new addition on my McMansion with my winnings but have a little extra for the youngin`s college fund. Most of this board is commonly trite but your manifesto`s are great reads. Brilliant, thoughtful work young man.
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you
Jun 16, 2007
2:36 AM | | | ; |
are such a ****ing loser
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United 22
Jun 18, 2007
9:17 AM | | | ; |
Hey ARG you lost this prediction buddy, I picked the SuperBowl right. Wolves Win!
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